Lyingcurdogg's Weblog

I’m not in Charge!

lyingcurdogg — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 05:17:39 +0000

For many years, especially when I was younger, I thought I was in control. In control of my life, along with how the World should be. As I’ve aged, little by little I realize this isn’t the case.

A few hours ago, a friend of mine lost her one year old daughter. I’m not sure the cause, but losing a child at such a young age is mind numbing. My first reaction is NO! Followed by WHY? Then followed by This Isn’t Fair! I’ve lived nearly 50 years, and she only got to live one and a few months.

Now I’m playing God.

This is a wake up call. If I think that I can switch places, or really say “THIS ISN’T FAIR!” then who am I? I’m questioning One that is in charge. It is foolish.

We may not understand or like how things “go” at times. The truth is, we all will die. No one can tell how long any of us will be here with total certainty. That’s up to God.

What’s this life for?

lyingcurdogg — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 10:36:26 +0000

The Rock Group CREED has raised this question through song.

Today I turn 49 years of age. I now ask myself this with a real degree of seriousness. I have lived “my life” already. It hasn’t gone well, especially the last 9 years. So, as I feel worse as I’ve aged, I know the “end game” is coming.

My ex-wife who put me through a lot of monetary and emotional shit now needs a 45 plus minute ride to her place of employment. Her finance, a.k.a. paramour, is about totally useless. Objectively, he can’t help it as he is “terminally” ill. Not my problem. But the situation is upsetting and I really feel I’m being “used” again.

In my younger days, I would have refused to help. And, although there isn’t any kind of peril my ex needs rescued from, other than her own stupidity (been there, tried that) I will help her. Some folks that know me will think I’ve lost my mind.

Though I’m no Bible expert, I believe that if I understand the Forgiveness and Mercy that is available through Jesus, and if I claim to be a “Christian” as so many do, then I not only have to talk the talk, it’s time to walk the walk. Christ’s walk is not an easy one, whether it’s me trying to follow, or the walk He originally took.

The “narrow path” is never easy. Even finding it can be a real challenge. How much more time for me remains a mystery. This I know. Time is no longer on my side, or something I can afford to take for granted.

Happy Birthday to me.

May the remaining part of my life be more worthy because of Him.

Happy? “Labor” Day!

lyingcurdogg — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 12:22:33 +0000

Before you are born, “Labor” pains must occur. The life that follows is filled with Labor. Some of it in vain. The stress and strain of living life in a meaningful and acceptable way is quite a job. So today is set aside for those that labor or work. It is only fitting. Also it would be fitting if “career deadbeats” got off their butts and had to work today. Sorry L.B.J. Your heart may have been in the right place, but, how do you like us now?

From One Extreme….

lyingcurdogg — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 20:09:51 +0000

Another post regarding failures in life. Well it could be, but it would be fairly boring. Instead, I view the current day as an “adjustment in progress.” When I was young, I saw the world in terms of right & wrong. Black & white. Not too much room for any shades of gray. Today, I’ve softened my view somewhat, but I still am a big fan of the black & white world. As I’ve grown older, and have been exposed to dysfunctional relationships, either personally or from watching the struggles of others, I’ve come to embrace going it alone to maintain my sense of self and self-worth. Is that selfish? Absolutely in the sense of self-preservation. Don’t cast your pearls among the swine. Sadly, I made some poor choices, which have molded me into who I am today. I certainly don’t want to be with someone just to be with someone. That is only a recipe for drama and another epic fail. I have a glimmer of hope that the “right” one is out there possibly. I just think at this stage in my life, it’s going to be tough. I’m bracing myself for the real possibility that it will never be. Not a fun future, but it may have more blessings than I realize. Faith becomes more and more important.

The Epic Battle…

lyingcurdogg — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 14:12:35 +0000

Within all of us, there is a struggle for the “soul.” And like unique fingerprints, each struggle is and has it’s own identity. Many factors play into this. Genetics, environment, family, friends, time of history, culture of nationality. Assessing one’s identity flaws takes time and being able to be totally and objectively honest with oneself. Once decided, some aspects need to remain unchangeable. Righteous morals are one. Proper behavior and a good work ethic are right along side. How you treat others matters greatly as well. In many respects, these traits are the foundation to one’s ability to be “successful.” The ability to “love” yourself. I tend to look at it as being able to stand who you are. Are you satisfied with how you are living, as a person? Time invested to examine this is time well spent. Once you know and can stand “who you are” the ability to live a life with purpose and meaning is well within reach.

Going off …. “The Deep End”

lyingcurdogg — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 04:49:59 +0000

As a young kid, then as a young “man” I thought I knew what I wanted. Sure I thought I knew, but many things didn’t happen the way I had planned, or wanted.

Now, with every passing day I believe that I will stand in Judgement before God. There are those that may say or believe that’s not true. It is their right.

Things I once thought were of value seem to have no value. I now struggle with what I was versus what I should be. Time, it seems, is not a luxury I can afford to waste. This is made as a pure statement of reality of the truth, not as some sensational attempt at grabbing someone’s attention.

If the expression, “with age comes wisdom” is truly valid, then the word “REPENT” has much significance. To realize one is on the wrong path is the first step. To correct that path is the next step. Each individual person has to make that decision on their own. I am no different. It is something I must do.

REPENT….Mean it, then “Be” it.

Personal “Health”

lyingcurdogg — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 11:17:40 +0000

There is a reason for the term “comfort food.”

In my case, it has taken off the “edge” of life many times.

Everyone has some type of weakness. Some have more than others.

One thing in common….a means to escape?

At least this is how I see it. I might be wrong.

Having a chronic disease, again, maybe I’m mis-using the

term chronic, but I think that’s what it’s known as. Anyway

the outcome from being “uncomfortable” has been a vicious circle.

Stress requires counter measures. A return to “comfort.”

Some drink. Some do drugs. Some behave badly. Some eat.

I hope I can overcome.

“Independence” Day

lyingcurdogg — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 22:09:55 +0000

If my math’s right, 235 years ago this July 4th, the “Foundering Fathers” got together and signed our “piss off” letter to the powers that be (were at the time) in England. There were many reasons for this. All valid in the eyes of those that signed that declaration.

Today, although the World has changed much in 235 years, the reasons for seeking Independence have not.

Freedom remains the cornerstone!

And freedom on a personal level is and will always be critical.

Financial freedom. Freedom of expression in the face of political correctness. The freedom to do what is right.

What is holding you back this 4th of July? Do you need to declare your own independence from something unjust, abusive, wrong? The Founders were willing to risk their very lives and professions to make things better for those around them. Some of those were even powerless and had no voice.

May God Almighty continue to bless and protect that spirit. It’s what brought us “to the dance.” May we never forget those reasons and their sacrifices.

They got it “Right!”

lyingcurdogg — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 01:29:09 +0000

Today, I witnessed a celebration of a man’s life who has passed recently from this earth. His four children, each in their own way, told heart filled stories regarding the character of their Father. Each one unique and touching. The oldest said that her Father whispered to her, telling her he’d do it all over again as he loved his wife/their mother that much.

No one or one family is perfect.
This was as close as I think it gets.

The entire service was an honor to the man that was being memorialized. It’s been a blessing and a privilege to have known them over the years. I look at myself and realize with epic sadness that I shall never achieve this level of success. Most folks don’t today. Something is missing. It has become a very tragic and sad world.

Yes, It’s All About Me!

lyingcurdogg — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 06:11:22 +0000

I’m not entirely who I once was. That’s good and bad. I think my attitude is better, but my drive and enthusiasm is in need of serious attention and

restoration. Exposure to certain factors or elements have all played a part in who I am today. It’s a fact. Cars driven in Northern States during the winter will “give out” much faster than their Southern cousins. It’s an environmental issue. Yep, “enviorn-Mental.”

A string of major loses has altered the “old me.” Yet I do realize, only I can fix “me.” I need the right factors, encouragement and opportunities to do it. Drama and stress are not going to help. Maybe I just don’t feel “Loved” anymore. I’m sure it’s out there somewhere. I just have to believe…again.